What Does Love Require?
How I failed in response to a hot sauce explosion.
I recently read a fantastic essay by Katie Blackburn about the challenges of navigating the medical system. As a physician assistant, I have a unique perspective to see all the different angles of our healthcare system—the good, the bad, the ugly, and the downright atrocious. As a wife, mom, and patient, I absolutely resonate with the palpable frustration in Katie’s essay.
At the end of her essay, when she contemplates if the fight for her son’s medical care is worth it, she writes, “Yes, yes, of course… this is the work… this IS what love requires of me.”
And that, my friend, is the mic-drop I think we all need.
What does love require of me?
//
A bottle of hot sauce recently exploded in the back of my husband’s truck. Don’t ask how or why; it’s a long story. The back of his truck looked like a hot-sauce-and-red-pepper-flake bloodbath.
It was late in the evening (late=8:30pm), and I was getting ready for bed. I was absolutely exhausted after a long day of parenting. My mind was consumed with stress, fear, and worry regarding some family matters.
He asked for my help to clean the truck, but nonchalantly mentioned I didn’t have to. I’m ashamed to admit I declined and went to bed.
While I slept—
He cleaned the truck.
He prepared the coffee for the morning.
He hand washed some dishes.
He got the dishwasher going.
The kids’ toys were picked up.
The counters were straightened.
He finally got to do what he initially stayed up to do, which was to work from home.
When I woke the next morning and saw all that he had done, a mixture of appreciation and shame overwhelmed me. I knew he didn’t want to do any of those tasks—but he did them anyway.
He did more than what love required.
//
The next day, after a busy day of appointments, my husband picked up more truck cleaner on our way home. While his truck was mostly clean, there were still some remnants of red pepper flakes.
He got the supplies, dropped me and the kids off at home, and then headed back into work. Before he left, he mentioned he’d finish cleaning the truck when he got home.
“No,” I said. “I’ll do it. Take my car to work and I’ll clean your truck while you’re gone.”
“You don’t have to do that,” he insisted. “I can do it later.”
“I know I don’t have to,” I replied. “But I’m going to.”
I spent the better part of the afternoon scrubbing the metal bars underneath the truck seats. The kids played in the driveway, and I listened to their laughter as I marveled at how destructive a bottle of hot sauce can be.
I also marveled at how good it felt to choose to do what love required of me—even though inhaling an odd mixture of hot sauce and leather cleaner gave me a small headache, and my back ached from reaching low to scrub the deep crevices under the seats.
But isn’t that what love requires? For us to bend low and serve one another?
//
The greatest example of Love spent His days stooped low.
He bent down to heal the sick.
He bowed His head in prayer.
He knelt to wash others’ feet.
In the eyes of the Pharisees (the esteemed religious leaders of the day), He lowered Himself to spend time with the outcasts of society, instead of rubbing elbows with those of high social status.
In the ultimate declaration of Love, He hung on a cross, head bowed, as He declared with His last breath, “It is finished.”
//
Ever since I read Katie’s essay, the question, what does love require of me?, has been churning in my mind.
Sometimes it’s so easy to love, especially when it aligns with what we enjoy doing. I love baking cookies with my daughter, so baking cookies for our neighbors is an easy way to show love.
Giving up my time to help with not-so-fun things, like cleaning up hot sauce, fighting health insurance companies, or doing behind-the-scenes work that goes unnoticed, is harder.
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13 NIV
What is the greater demonstration of love? Doing the task that’s easy, or doing the task that’s hard?
I love when I’m able to serve and it requires little of me—and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, necessarily. I’m grateful for the opportunity to bless others with little sacrifice on my part.
BUT—am I laying down my life for others if I only choose to serve when it’s easy or when it requires little of me?
What do I choose to do when love requires me to do something I don’t want to do?
To love is to sacrifice. And if I never sacrifice and do the hard things for others, am I really loving?
//
What love requires can change based on time, person, and circumstance.
Sometimes love requires holding our tongues. Sometimes we need to speak the truth, in love. Sometimes it means we toss our to-do lists to the side and play with our kids for a few extra minutes. It might mean spending hours on hold with the insurance company, so our spouses don't have to. We might find ourselves making dinner for a friend going through a hard time. Love might require extra snuggles on the couch with a sick child. We might end up doing something we enjoy. It might mean doing the chores we dread to make the day easier on someone else.
It might mean scrubbing hot sauce out of a seatbelt crevice, and doing so with a good attitude.
I’m not sure what love will require of me today.
But I hope I respond well.